Grace Based Parenting, Recap

While a good book, this was not an earth-shattering book for me. A fact which is mostly due to my own parents and upbringing. Grace Based Parenting is a "big idea" book. It does not tell parents what to do when their toddler has a meltdown in the grocery store or their teenager gives them the silent treatment for weeks on end. It does help establish a foundation on which parents can make those type of decisions.

The main idea of the book is that parents should act towards their children in the same way God acts toward his children--with grace.

In order to silence some critics, Kimmel spends a chapter giving examples of families who have erred on the side of too little grace and families who have mistaken cheap grace for true grace. If you really want to understand true grace, I would not start with this book. Start with Romans, The Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges, this message by Erin Bird, or The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

A few nuggets I appreciated:

• Definition of love: "Love is the commitment of my will to your needs and best interests, regardless of the cost."
• You should not be surprised or ashamed when kids sin; expect it. They have a sin nature.
• Don't just protect kids; protect and prepare them. Parents lead and encourage kids to live a great spiritual adventure, which is not safe. Teach them confidence in the fact that God is mighty and able to overcome all the sin and evil in you, me and the world.
• I also appreciated Kimmel's focus on the big ideas. As I always heard my dad say: "Major on the majors; minor on the minors." If you get the big things right, won't the small things either fall in line or not matter?

A few things I didn't like about the book:

• Kimmel provided many negative examples (what not to do) and not as many positive examples (what to do). It's easy to see mistakes that parents make. I'm reading a parenting book so that that I know what to do instead of continuing on in the dark.
• Kimmel suggested parents hold a "What's Your Beef" Family Night, in which they encouraged their children tell them anything they had done to hurt them. Then they could not defend themselves. His purpose was to give kids the opportunity to be candid and vulnerable. I think it'd just be weird and awkward. (And as a friend whose family practiced this when she grew up shared...it just didn't work. It was more aggravating than enlightening.)

As I said at the beginning, this book wasn't earth shattering because my parents understood a lot of this. Thank God for my parents and the ways they gave me a foundation of truth and understanding of God's grace!

Picture Update

Caleb discovered skinned knees.

Caleb is now taking one long afternoon nap instead of taking his morning nap and playing during his afternoon nap. He gets just as much sleep (if not more) and everyone is happier.

Hiding things under other things has become great fun.

Caleb has had a change of heart about his bicycle helmet, and the bicycle trailer is growing on him as well. This picture did not involve any prompting from me.

Caleb celebrated Father's Day with a hand-decorated card and a steak for his daddy.

With all the great thunderstorms we've had recently, we decided to thoroughly enjoy one. At first Caleb wasn't sure what to make of the rain, but then he didn't want to go inside even when he started shivering. Don't worry; I took him inside before hypothermia hit.

Grace Based Parenting

I started reading Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel today. I figured I had read enough books about feeding babies and sleeping babies for awhile. Now that Caleb is understanding so much more of what we say and do, I want to be more intentional in the way I think about teaching and training him. Instead of relying on what I've heard that other people do, I want to think through what will be best for our family.

Since I like to learn by reading, I chose several books I'd like to read on the whole topic of parenting. Grace Based Parenting is the first book I was able to get a copy of. If you have other recommendations, I'd love to hear them, since I will be reading others on the subject in the future.

Chapter 1: What Not to Do.
The chapter is actually titled "Why Well-Meaning Parenting Falls Short." Kimmel lists 7 typical and off-base parenting styles. I'm sure I've either already fallen into or will fall into almost all seven categories.

One paragraph I totally agree with:
"All the parenting styles listed above have this in common: They are the result of a parent's theology. Their theology is a combination of the way they view God and the way they think He views them. If we have flawed theology regarding God's attitude toward us, it can automatically create a chain reaction of flawed decisions in how we raise our children. It can also set up our children to miss the joy of God, the heart of God, and the power of God in their personal lives." Page 16

Then Kimmel gives a broad picture of grace based parenting, and emphasizes that God primary deals with his children in an environment of grace (which doesn't exclude obedience, respect, boundaries, or discipline).

Then he jumps into making a case for 3 fundamental, driving inner needs that all children have. In fact, all people have these 3 needs because even Adam and Eve had them before the Fall. (Unfortunately, Kimmel doesn't explain where he came up with these 3 basic needs, or even show how Adam and Eve demonstrated these needs. It's especially unfortunate because these three needs form an outline for the book.) According to Kimmel, all children need security, significance, and strength. And, "If we've done our job adequately, our children should leave our homes with a love that is secure, a purpose that is significant, and a hope that is strong" (page 25). I don't disagree with Kimmel on these points; I just wish he had laid a stronger foundation for the foundational ideas of his book.

A key point:
"As your children see you meeting your need for love, purpose, and hope through your abiding relationship with Christ, your example will put power and authenticity behind your words" (page 26). A reminder that trusting Christ is the most important part of any parenting plan.

A few, rough thoughts from chapter 1. Maybe I'll blog more on this if I think it'll help me process the book.

Sunny Days

Playing in the sandbox in the backyard

Picnic at Palisades

Hiking at Palisades

Biking

Oh wait, we didn't get any pictures of this because someone was screaming his head off about wearing a bike helmet. Any suggestions?

Rainy Days