3 months and still smiling

I mean, sticking out his tongue. Caleb hit the three month mark this week, and his newest trick is sticking out his tongue. Talented little guy, huh? He's also just starting to laugh, but we haven't caught that on camera yet. Other accomplishments include slobbering all over (just in case you thought babyhood was all cuteness), growing, chewing on his hands, and speaking in an early form of baby talk. If anyone knows of a good translator...

Stuck in the Trenches

I've been suffering from a myopic vision of my life lately. Three weeks ago Caleb slept through the night once. Two weeks ago he slept through the night four times. One week ago he slept through the night once, maybe twice. Last night he was awake at least three different times. In addition to that he decided last week not to nap longer than 45 minutes during the day. For those of you not living in newborn world at the moment, all that adds up to not enough sleep--for Caleb or for me. Was Caleb just teasing us three weeks ago when he slept through the night? Did he have to get my hopes up? I wonder if I'd be more content and less discouraged with the current state of affairs if my expectations hadn't been raised. It seems like we're moving backwards instead of forwards. Then the question is, "What do I do?" Some expert people say one thing, other expert people say the opposite, and most sources say that you should do what you think is best. Thanks for the help.

So instead of reading, I decided to ask an actual, real-life, someone-I-somewhat-know mom for help, which is very difficult for me to do in the first place, but I'm glad I did. After hearing my questions, her first questions were not about how long Caleb has been sleeping, how often he's been eating or any of those details--though those details did come up later. Her first questions were about my frustration/anxiety, reminding me that my mood affects my whole home. Ouch. But with that question, my myopic vision suddenly zoomed out. Yes, sleeping is important, but my attitude in teaching Caleb how to get enough sleep is probably more important. Can I be joyful in implementing whatever sleep method I choose to use with Caleb?

Several weeks ago, I was on a 80s and 90s worship music kick. Actually, I just found an old music book and was playing through it. Most of the songs reminded me why we don't sing too many of these anymore, but the song "My Soul Waits," which is based on Psalm 130 reminded me of an important question. Where am I placing my hope? After playing this song and reading the psalm, I journaled: "Where is my hope? In Christ's past redemption and in the coming deliverance when He returns. All else will pale and fail me. If I put my hope in Caleb sleeping through the night (or Luke or teaching or a predictable and meaningful day), I am going to be disappointed. Not only because he won't sleep through the night, but also because when Caleb sleeps through the night, it doesn't satisfy my soul. Yet if I place my hope in Christ's return, my soul will be completely satisfied when that happens. I will get to see Jesus!" And I don't think I'll be disappointed. So that's where I need to set my sights. I'm praying God would help me keep my eyes fixed there.

And until that day, I'll still need to decide how to teach Caleb to get enough sleep, but I can do it with joy not because I'm happy he's crying instead of sleeping, but because I know the crying won't last for eternity.

It won't, will it?

Weeds

Recently I've spent time harvesting all kinds of weeds in my yard, which makes me wonder, "What makes a weed a weed?"

For the Time Being

"I thought, I too could...inquire, hollering at God the compassionate, the all-merciful, WHAT'S with the bird-headed dwarfs?" (53) This question seems to be a key argument in Annie Dillard's perception of the world and God's part in it.


I just finished reading For the Time Being by Annie Dillard. While not a thick book, it took me quite awhile to read simply becase I kept abandoning it for other reading or activity. It's a depressing book, so the beautiful summer weather has enticed me away from reading.


It consists of 7 chapters that are divided into sections about birth, sand, China, clouds, numbers, Israel, encounters, thinker, evil, and now. In each of these sections Dillard offers observations ranging from the smallest details of nature to mind-boggling numbers, all the while infusing various quotations from a multitude of famous and common people. Sometimes she highlights awesome of nature and humanity, but many times she highlights the awful (bird-headed dwarfs). Most of the time these observations seem arbitrary and unrelated, but Dillard connects most everything back to the big questions: Why am I here? Who is God? If God is good, why are there bird-headed dwarfs?

While I enjoy Dillard's ability to observe the world, wonder over the minute details in the world, and ask difficult questions, I draw very different conclusions than she does. Dillard sees the broken world and decides that God is either not powerful enough to fix it or doesn't care enough to fix it. In contrast, I believe that God's just waiting patiently. But as Dillard says, "I don't know beans about God" (169). She also quotes Augustine as saying, "We are talking about God. What wonder is it that you do not understand? If you do understand, then it is not God" (47). I agree with the idea that we can never fully understand God, but I also believe that we can absolutely know that God is who he says he is. While this doesn't answer all the difficult questions, it does help me know what questions to ask. Instead of beating my head against a brick wall of things I'll never understand, I'll try to understand what God has revealed about himself. For this reason, this book is an interesting read, but one I'll pass up in the future.

Baby Blog

It's been a few weeks since I've posted photos, and I know grandmas are anxiously waiting.

The face off.



August 16th at Erica's wedding.

Gutsfully Gracious, Graceful, and Full of Grace

My challenge for this post: Share a bit of Erica's amazing gift of friendship by sharing how cool my friend Erica is. And now that I've been sitting in front of my computer for 20 minutes trying to think of a way to do this, I think I may succomb to the pressure. Ahh! The pressure! The pressure!

Erica is so great, she'd hate the fact that I'm writing a post about her. She hates being the center of attention. Crazy girl, she'd rather serve others. In fact, one of the things I admire about Erica is her persistence in giving credit to God for all that she is and does. This girl, I mean, married matron knows that she is the person she is today because of God's grace, and she's not afraid to gracefully share that fact with others.

I had the honor of being Erica's matron of honor this past weekend (Hopefully I wasn't too matronly!) and the honor of observing her on a day filled with dreams, pressure, joy, friends, family and details, details, details. It truly was an honor to watch Erica and Cornel glorify God together on their wedding day as they welcomed guests not only with speeches, but with joy and as they pointed to God's character instead of themselves throughout their wedding ceremony. Erica walked down the aisle to "Great Is Thy Faithfulness," and her face shone the brightest when we all sang the doxology at the end.

A few things I appreciate about Erica:

• She's gracious. As I said before, she welcomes people with her whole heart and whole smile (no matter who they are--from my grandma to international friends) to the point they feel right at home and honored. She shows interest in whatever others show interest, which makes them feel that much more at home.


• She's graceful. She even took ballet classes for the first time in college just to improve in this category!


• She's full of grace. One of the ways that Erica challenges me the most is in her dependence on God's grace. She knows she doesn't earn God's good gifts, but she fully lives in them, making the most of everything God's given her and enjoying it too!


• She's gutsy. She's willing to eat bugs in a Thai grocery store on a bet. She's willing to explore unknown bike routes in foreign countries resulting in a much longer bike ride than planned. And she's gutsy enough to be vulnerable and share her struggles so that it's clear that God is the one doing such cool things in her life, not just Erica.


• Besides all that, she's got style.

It really is an honor to spend time with Erica. (Cornel is one lucky guy.) She's one of those friends you don't give up once you find them, so even though she just married Cornel and she'll be moving to the other side of the world (again) in the near future, she'll have a hard time getting rid of me.

A New School Year

This will be the first time in 22 years that I don't gear up for a new school year. Can you believe that I've gone to school for the past 22 years straight? Crazy. I'm not that old, am I? While I'm glad to have the opportunity to stay home with Caleb, I am missing some of the back to school excitement. I'll miss the challenge of learning 150 names and faces as fast as I can. I'll miss the feeling of getting a fresh, clean-slate start, as if whatever happened last year doesn't count. I'll miss the new relationships that come with a new school year. And believe it or not, I may even miss the structured schedule. Don't get me wrong, there's plenty I won't miss, but I'll spare you the details. Good luck to all the students and teachers out there. Enjoy the school year as much as you can even when you have to listen to boring speeches by your superiors!

And the reason I won't be bored at home: I've decided to join the wedding industry frenzy as a florist. Just kidding. But I did put together some boutonnieres and bouquets for a friend's wedding this past weekend. Do you think there's a future for an inartistic black thumb in the floral industry?

"Essential" Baby Gear

I thought I was being somewhat successful in my quest to be a no frills parent until I made a list of baby items that I had actually used during the first two months after Caleb was born. Then I had the mental image of a mom in a developing nation carrying her child on her back as she worked in fields all day. Then I put Caleb in his bouncy seat and continued enjoying our baby stuff.