Stuck in the Trenches

I've been suffering from a myopic vision of my life lately. Three weeks ago Caleb slept through the night once. Two weeks ago he slept through the night four times. One week ago he slept through the night once, maybe twice. Last night he was awake at least three different times. In addition to that he decided last week not to nap longer than 45 minutes during the day. For those of you not living in newborn world at the moment, all that adds up to not enough sleep--for Caleb or for me. Was Caleb just teasing us three weeks ago when he slept through the night? Did he have to get my hopes up? I wonder if I'd be more content and less discouraged with the current state of affairs if my expectations hadn't been raised. It seems like we're moving backwards instead of forwards. Then the question is, "What do I do?" Some expert people say one thing, other expert people say the opposite, and most sources say that you should do what you think is best. Thanks for the help.

So instead of reading, I decided to ask an actual, real-life, someone-I-somewhat-know mom for help, which is very difficult for me to do in the first place, but I'm glad I did. After hearing my questions, her first questions were not about how long Caleb has been sleeping, how often he's been eating or any of those details--though those details did come up later. Her first questions were about my frustration/anxiety, reminding me that my mood affects my whole home. Ouch. But with that question, my myopic vision suddenly zoomed out. Yes, sleeping is important, but my attitude in teaching Caleb how to get enough sleep is probably more important. Can I be joyful in implementing whatever sleep method I choose to use with Caleb?

Several weeks ago, I was on a 80s and 90s worship music kick. Actually, I just found an old music book and was playing through it. Most of the songs reminded me why we don't sing too many of these anymore, but the song "My Soul Waits," which is based on Psalm 130 reminded me of an important question. Where am I placing my hope? After playing this song and reading the psalm, I journaled: "Where is my hope? In Christ's past redemption and in the coming deliverance when He returns. All else will pale and fail me. If I put my hope in Caleb sleeping through the night (or Luke or teaching or a predictable and meaningful day), I am going to be disappointed. Not only because he won't sleep through the night, but also because when Caleb sleeps through the night, it doesn't satisfy my soul. Yet if I place my hope in Christ's return, my soul will be completely satisfied when that happens. I will get to see Jesus!" And I don't think I'll be disappointed. So that's where I need to set my sights. I'm praying God would help me keep my eyes fixed there.

And until that day, I'll still need to decide how to teach Caleb to get enough sleep, but I can do it with joy not because I'm happy he's crying instead of sleeping, but because I know the crying won't last for eternity.

It won't, will it?