Father's Day

I was looking through old drafts and found this. I meant to post it on Father's Day, but forgot. I want to remember all the silly, fun, loving things Caleb does for his Daddy, so I'll post it now.

Vacation Reading

Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen
I actually finished this before vacation started. I started thinking that I'd just read a few pages and before I knew it, I had finished. I checked this book out of the library after hearing several people fawn over it. Even the librarian gave it high marks as I was checking out. Great story that includes too many crazy things to fit into one storyline, but it works. I loved the story, but I'm not sure all the explicit sexuality was worth it.

While hinting at poignancy at times, the story borders on "cute."

A Fine Balance by Rohinton Mistry
Recommended by my sister-in-law with a caveat for crudeness. I'd also recommend this one. (You can read the plot summary on Amazon if want some context for my review. It's easier and better than writing my own.) This was a rather ironic choice of books to read while I sat in luxury on Florida beach. I think I left the hotel house cleaner a bigger tip than I normally would have. It reminded me of reading Anna Karenina, hoping the characters would find hope and somehow knowing they wouldn't. Hopefully I don't surprise anyone with that, but you really shouldn't read this book expecting a happy ending. Mistry's writing is excellent--subtle yet thorough character development, plenty of foreshadowing, irony, interwoven stories, and of course, a depressing ending. (It can't be literature without a sad ending, right?) Thoroughly Indian in its setting, I couldn't help but wonder what a book about American depravity would look like.

Not a cute book at all, but seriously good writing.

Shadow of the Hegemon by Orson Scott Card
One of the many books meant to capitalize on the success of Ender's Game, a "save the world" science fiction novel. Unfortunately, Shadow of the Hegemon is not very successful, in my opinion. In Ender's Game it seemed like the kids were smart and insightful problem-solvers. This book just seemed to be full of kids who thought they were smarter than they really were, and those type of kids (people) just aren't very endearing. Add to that a sloppy treatment of cultural ideologies, and I didn't become a fan. This is the "cleanest" book of the three, but I didn't gain anything from reading it either.

Not bad airport reading.

(By the way, I would recommend Ender's Game and Ender's Shadow for their insight into human interactions--and for the pure enjoyment of reading them.)

5 years

Last week, Luke and I celebrated 5 years of marriage. We left Caleb in the care of his Grandma and Grandpa Ryon and flew to the Florida Gulf.

We spent a day swimming, picnicking, and reading on the beach at Fort de Soto. We spent a morning chasing dolphins in a kayak. (Ok, not really chasing per se, but we did get pretty close.) We ate good seafood every chance we had. (At least good by our inexperienced taste buds.) We went out during naptime without disrupting the rest of the day. We walked on the beach and enjoyed sunsets. We spent time together. We found ice cream that reminded me of the best of Baskin Robbins and Whitey's all in one.

I'm so thankful for my husband who continues to prove again and again that I can trust him with who I am, even when it's ugly. We've learned a lot over the past five years, and I look forward to having Luke at my side through future challenges and joys.

Luke, thanks for giving me a glimpse of the grace of God. I love you.

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers

I usually scoff at books that are rewritten for a niche market. It starts with a general title like Healthy Eating, for example. Then the author or publisher (I really don't know which) decides they want to make more money, so they publish the same content with a few different stories and title it Healthy Eating for Women. And the cycle continues until you end up with books titled Healthy Eating for Centenarians and Healthy Eating for Baseball Fanatics.


That being said Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers has mostly new content, even though the author's philosophy is consistent with her first book. I haven't scoffed at toddler books (yet) because I feel like I recently entered a whole new arena of parenting. We've somewhat figured out how to help Caleb eat and sleep well. Now I need to figure out what to do when his will and my will don't match.


Hogg's book has some helpful tips and common sense parenting skills if you're interested in raising civilized children. While I hope my children will be civilized, that's not my whole goal as a parent, so this won't be my only resource for parenting strategies and skills.


A few highlights (Some are helpful; some are just to show Hogg's opinions):

• Your expectations may change, depending on your child's personality.
• Praise only for a job well done. (advice also given in Grace Based Parenting.)
• The importance of rituals and routines. Hogg quotes Barbara Biziou: "By using rituals, we help ourselves and our children make better sense of the world. They begin to regard even the mundane as sacred moments of connection and togetherness" (pg. 68).
• Rituals/routines can be as simple as washing hands before eating.
• Prime time for potty training (in Hogg's opinion) is 18 months-2 years.
• Practice skills at home before expecting your child to perform/behave in public.
• Discipline (Hogg offers 12 points for "conscious" discipline. Some seem standard--know your boundaries, model, say no, praise good behavior, etc. Some helpful points for me: plan ahead, offer closed-end choices, pick your battles.)
• Offer closed-ended choices. For example, instead of asking, "Are you ready for your bath now?" which really doesn't give your toddler any choice, ask, "Would you like to use the red washcloth or the blue washcloth?"
• While one of Hogg's points said "Don't rely on corporal punishment" (spanking, flicking hands, hitting, etc.), she actually said never use it.

After reading baby books and now a few toddler books, I'd say Hogg's Baby Whisperer philosophy is rather moderate in approach. She's big on respecting children's feelings and wishes, but she's also big on teaching children to respect the world around them.

Grace Based Parenting, Recap

While a good book, this was not an earth-shattering book for me. A fact which is mostly due to my own parents and upbringing. Grace Based Parenting is a "big idea" book. It does not tell parents what to do when their toddler has a meltdown in the grocery store or their teenager gives them the silent treatment for weeks on end. It does help establish a foundation on which parents can make those type of decisions.

The main idea of the book is that parents should act towards their children in the same way God acts toward his children--with grace.

In order to silence some critics, Kimmel spends a chapter giving examples of families who have erred on the side of too little grace and families who have mistaken cheap grace for true grace. If you really want to understand true grace, I would not start with this book. Start with Romans, The Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges, this message by Erin Bird, or The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer.

A few nuggets I appreciated:

• Definition of love: "Love is the commitment of my will to your needs and best interests, regardless of the cost."
• You should not be surprised or ashamed when kids sin; expect it. They have a sin nature.
• Don't just protect kids; protect and prepare them. Parents lead and encourage kids to live a great spiritual adventure, which is not safe. Teach them confidence in the fact that God is mighty and able to overcome all the sin and evil in you, me and the world.
• I also appreciated Kimmel's focus on the big ideas. As I always heard my dad say: "Major on the majors; minor on the minors." If you get the big things right, won't the small things either fall in line or not matter?

A few things I didn't like about the book:

• Kimmel provided many negative examples (what not to do) and not as many positive examples (what to do). It's easy to see mistakes that parents make. I'm reading a parenting book so that that I know what to do instead of continuing on in the dark.
• Kimmel suggested parents hold a "What's Your Beef" Family Night, in which they encouraged their children tell them anything they had done to hurt them. Then they could not defend themselves. His purpose was to give kids the opportunity to be candid and vulnerable. I think it'd just be weird and awkward. (And as a friend whose family practiced this when she grew up shared...it just didn't work. It was more aggravating than enlightening.)

As I said at the beginning, this book wasn't earth shattering because my parents understood a lot of this. Thank God for my parents and the ways they gave me a foundation of truth and understanding of God's grace!

Picture Update

Caleb discovered skinned knees.

Caleb is now taking one long afternoon nap instead of taking his morning nap and playing during his afternoon nap. He gets just as much sleep (if not more) and everyone is happier.

Hiding things under other things has become great fun.

Caleb has had a change of heart about his bicycle helmet, and the bicycle trailer is growing on him as well. This picture did not involve any prompting from me.

Caleb celebrated Father's Day with a hand-decorated card and a steak for his daddy.

With all the great thunderstorms we've had recently, we decided to thoroughly enjoy one. At first Caleb wasn't sure what to make of the rain, but then he didn't want to go inside even when he started shivering. Don't worry; I took him inside before hypothermia hit.

Grace Based Parenting

I started reading Grace Based Parenting by Dr. Tim Kimmel today. I figured I had read enough books about feeding babies and sleeping babies for awhile. Now that Caleb is understanding so much more of what we say and do, I want to be more intentional in the way I think about teaching and training him. Instead of relying on what I've heard that other people do, I want to think through what will be best for our family.

Since I like to learn by reading, I chose several books I'd like to read on the whole topic of parenting. Grace Based Parenting is the first book I was able to get a copy of. If you have other recommendations, I'd love to hear them, since I will be reading others on the subject in the future.

Chapter 1: What Not to Do.
The chapter is actually titled "Why Well-Meaning Parenting Falls Short." Kimmel lists 7 typical and off-base parenting styles. I'm sure I've either already fallen into or will fall into almost all seven categories.

One paragraph I totally agree with:
"All the parenting styles listed above have this in common: They are the result of a parent's theology. Their theology is a combination of the way they view God and the way they think He views them. If we have flawed theology regarding God's attitude toward us, it can automatically create a chain reaction of flawed decisions in how we raise our children. It can also set up our children to miss the joy of God, the heart of God, and the power of God in their personal lives." Page 16

Then Kimmel gives a broad picture of grace based parenting, and emphasizes that God primary deals with his children in an environment of grace (which doesn't exclude obedience, respect, boundaries, or discipline).

Then he jumps into making a case for 3 fundamental, driving inner needs that all children have. In fact, all people have these 3 needs because even Adam and Eve had them before the Fall. (Unfortunately, Kimmel doesn't explain where he came up with these 3 basic needs, or even show how Adam and Eve demonstrated these needs. It's especially unfortunate because these three needs form an outline for the book.) According to Kimmel, all children need security, significance, and strength. And, "If we've done our job adequately, our children should leave our homes with a love that is secure, a purpose that is significant, and a hope that is strong" (page 25). I don't disagree with Kimmel on these points; I just wish he had laid a stronger foundation for the foundational ideas of his book.

A key point:
"As your children see you meeting your need for love, purpose, and hope through your abiding relationship with Christ, your example will put power and authenticity behind your words" (page 26). A reminder that trusting Christ is the most important part of any parenting plan.

A few, rough thoughts from chapter 1. Maybe I'll blog more on this if I think it'll help me process the book.