Countdown

I think it started about two weeks ago. I stopped counted up in weeks being pregnant and started counting down the weeks left being pregnant. I didn't even really notice it at the time; it was an unintentional shift in thought. This subtle shift may have bigger implications though. Instead of thinking of what has happened and being thankful, I've begun thinking about what needs to be done in the upcoming weeks. Instead of being amazed at how much my baby's grown, I'm wondering how much bigger I can get and how much longer my clothes will fit. My perspective also changes when Grandma says, "It looks like you've dropped" (which I haven't), or when Mom says, "I went three weeks early with my first" or when my long-term substitute says, "With mine, I made sure to have everything ready at 35 weeks just in case...." These type of comments highlight the fact that the countdown is not accurate or in fact an actual countdown. The countdown currently stands at 4 weeks to go. But according to Mom's record, that could mean 1 week to go. And according to the average for first-time moms, it could be 5-6 weeks. When I went out of town for a conference with friends this past weekend, the question "So are you going into labor this weekend?" was repeated multiple times. So we don't really know when the event will happen, but we know it will. I guess the best way to describe the feelings attached to questions like these is that it's the fear of the unknown.

Am I ready for the unknown? Yes and no. Is my baby's room organized? No. Am I looking forward to meeting our newest family member? Yes. Have I thought of every possible contingency plan for what I'll do if I go in labor at school, at home, on the highway...? No. Do I trust God to meet all my needs according to his riches in glory and in Christ Jesus? Yes. And that answer is the one that calms my frantic, whirling thoughts and to do lists, slows my racing heart, and opens my eyes to see what is important. Is it important to have matching curtains and crib skirts? No. It is important to love my husband, co-workers, friends, and students during this time by serving them? Yes. Is it important to consider others more important than myself? Yes. I like to be task-oriented. Wait, let's face it. I am task-oriented. So I'd love to charge through my to do list, check off everything I'd like to do, be organized, and be ready by Mom's one-week deadline. But then I'm missing out on what is really important because the most important things can't fit on a to do list to be checked off.

Not to over-spiritualize, but I wonder how many parallels there are between this countdown and the countdown to Christ's return. We don't know the day or time he will return, but we know it will happen. So can we ask the same questions? Am I ready for the unknown eternity? Is my life completely in order? No. Am I looking forward to meeting Christ? Yes. Have I thought of every possible contingency plan for the future? No. Do I trust God to "conform me to his image" (Rom. 8:29) and "perfect [his good work in me] until the day of Christ" (Phil. 1:7)? Most days. And on those days, Christ's grace and peace fills my mind and heart and guides me to see what is really important. Is accomplishing my agenda important? No. Is it important to know, love, and follow God's commands? Yes.

So I'll continue preparing and organizing in the coming weeks, but I pray that above all, I would rest in Christ and obey Christ no matter what (even if the baby comes before the curtains are finished--gasp!).